Mental Health and Asian Americans

My Chinese American Experience And Mental Health by Laura N.

The term model minority is a racist term for many Asian Americans because it presumes that Asian Americans uphold the “perfect” example of success for other minority groups to follow. But the amount of pressure put on a particular race, to be the best, to achieve the best, causes anxiety and depression in Asian Americans. This idea of setting the “perfect” example is also at the family level and is often placed on the eldest child. Chinese Americans not only feel the stress from the misconceptions of model minority from society but also from trying to be the “perfect” example for younger siblings, while adhering to the strict standards of fulfilling filial piety.

Filial Piety is defined as the requirement of children to offer love, respect, support, and deference to their parents and other elders in the family, such as grandparents or older siblings. For example, acts of filial piety include obeying one's parent's wishes, being caretakes for their parents, and working hard to provide them with material comforts. All this responsibility is in exchange for the grace sons and daughters received in the early days of their lives. This sense of responsibility and thankfulness to one’s parents also extends to ancestors. The ideology of filial piety and fulfilling filial duty contribute to mental health challenges because these teachings makes it permissible for parents to physically and verbally abuse their children if wishes are not met. Therefore, extreme imbalance between filial piety and filial duty is harmful in a child's mind.

My family emigrated from China to the US during the 70s to start a restaurant business. Due to limited English proficiency, my dad worked as a cook along with his brothers and my aunt worked as the manager. I was born in Florida and raised with the understanding of the importance of fulfilling my duty to my parents and grandparents.

Growing up, my grandparents provided afterschool care to us while my parents worked at the restaurant.  My grandmother taught me cooking skills, accountability, how to do laundry, and to be how to be the “perfect” example for my siblings to model.  We were taught to work hard then we play. And by play, it was going outside on our bikes and reading. Nothing too wild. Our schedule was pretty strict. Afterschool, we would have a 10-15 min break where we have a snack and something to hydrate. Then it was time for homework. After homework, it was time to shower. When the clock strikes 6, it was time for dinner where we all shared the meal. There were side dishes in the middle of the table which included meat or fish, veggies and always a meat egg cake because my grandmother believed in more meat equals stronger kids. So we ate and we had to finish all our rice and if we do not, our grandmother told us we would grow up looking “ugly.” I think that was just a way to get us to finish up all our rice or at least with my brother. My brother was the one who would always finish last and had a hard time eating. I would always be the one to finish the leftovers. This was my early childhood.

There were also exciting times. Most people have holidays like Christmas and thanksgiving, but second-generation ABC (American Born Chinese) have Spring and Mid-Autumn Moon festivals, Lunar New Years and delectable feasts for every occasion. This means there is a lot of memorizing to be done before the big days. As a child, I was supposed to memorize these days and my grandmother and my mother would scold at me if I didn’t remember one or two of them.

Being the oldest child in my family means blame and shame even if I had no fault. It was the responsibility of the oldest child to take the blame. I recall my brother cutting my Barbie’s hair and as I consequence, mom lectured me about proper toy hygiene.

By the time I was in high school things got rough and my school psychologist diagnosed me with Major Depressive Disorder and General Anxiety Disorder because I would come to schools in tears, bruises all over and fall asleep in class or skip class. However, I do not allow depression or anxiety to take over my life. Deep down inside I have hope and I am resilient.

As an adult, I am now required to take care of my grandmother even though she scolds us. I fulfil my duty as her the secondary caregiver and I assist with her paperwork for resources while my mother assists with daily activities of living and medical/translation.  Last month, my grandmother underwent a laparoscopy due to abdomen pain which led to spinal pain. Even though my grandmother was a nurse in China, she was still extremely nervous, anxious and frustrated because it’s a new experience and it’s scary. Some techniques I learned to used while my grandmother and I were sitting in the doctor’s office were gratitude exercises, mindfulness and positive encouragement, such as “You’re doing great or it is okay, you are doing the best you can.” I gently reminded my grandmother that she has lived her life up to seventy-seven surgery free and that is something to be proud of and grateful for and I will always be there for her. As a result, she was able to slow down her breathing and lower her anxiety.  Currently, she is recovering and still experiences a lot of pain in her body, so what’s I’ve been suggesting is Epson salt body wash and shower balms and tiger balm rubs since she is not a bath person. She says “okay, okay I’ll try em.“

My grandmother survived the communism in China and has a lot of pride; therefore, her wish is for everyone in the family to be like “perfect” like her. Truth is no one is perfect. We can only strive to do our best and if we fail. That is okay. Failure is where growth is born.  What we learned that we can never live up to my grandmother’s expectations, but what we can do is live up to ours.